Whitney Port is continuing to take things one day at a time after her devastating pregnancy loss last week.
The Hills alum had previously revealed to fans that she was expecting once again at the beginning of this month — but warned that her doctor had cautioned her that it could be an “unhealthy” pregnancy. Sadly, that turned out to be the case as she and husband Tim Rosenman revealed the awful news of the miscarriage on social media.
Now, 4-year-old Sonny Rosenman‘s momma is opening up about the aftermath of that pregnancy loss, and recounting both her grief and resiliency in a powerful new podcast discussion.
Tuesday’s brand new episode of her Dear Media podcast, With Whit, was recorded just after she found out. As she prefaced on her Instagram:
“After I miscarried last week, I decided to pick up my phone and record an audio diary of how I was feeling. This raw reflection is the latest episode of my podcast, #WITHWHIT. I found out Wednesday afternoon and recorded this that night. Needless to say my words are emotional. My heart is with every single woman who has gone through this pain. I hope by sharing my feelings and story, some of you will not feel alone.”
The reality TV alum began the recording by informing listeners that the doctor’s final determinations sadly came in just as expected:
“Today, we found out as a final conclusion that the pregnancy was and is not viable. There was no heartbeat. I went to the doctor today by myself, actually. I didn’t even think that there was a possibility of bad news. I don’t know why. I felt like I was feeling super hopeful from hearing that the baby had doubled in size last week and I just felt like it was only up from here. He looked at the ultrasound and looked at me and raised his eyebrows and just shook his head, and in that moment, I just knew, and it just felt like Groundhog’s Day, like, just the feeling of grief is all too familiar.”
Port, who in the past has shown interest in having another child with her husband — a sibling for her son Sonny — also revealed that her doctor advised her to see a fertility specialist to help “make healthy embryos” in a bid to avoid future pregnancy loss.
Of course, as to be expected, the grieving momma isn’t quite ready yet to think that far into the future.
“I’m not even really fully ready to have that discussion, even though I know that we want a second kid because the thought of not having a second kid makes me feel already too regretful and remorseful. But then the thought of having to go through this physical illness and nausea first trimester is daunting and scary and taxing. I mean, I literally have not been able to do anything.”
The emotional toll from going through this has obviously been really hard on Whitney and Tim, too.
The business owner and working momma explained that psychologically, things have been far from normal in the aftermath of her pregnancy loss:
“This morning, I woke up, even before I knew the news. I said to Timmy I was feeling really depressed just because I felt like I was letting everybody down, like, I wasn’t being a present mom. I wasn’t being a present wife. I wasn’t being a present employee and co-worker and partner and that I was just constantly disappointing people. Then I had to talk myself out of that and say like, ‘This is only a phase, right?’ Like everybody understands what I’m going through. Everybody understands that if I could be working hard and if I had the strength to work hard, that I would be, but it’s just — it’s really hard.”
And guilt has set in, too, as Whitney thinks about motherhood and some of the even more difficult situations other women go through:
“I feel like Timmy and I both really do want a second child and I don’t want to regret it. I feel like, you know, thinking about my life, looking at 20, 30 years from now, I would regret not trying to do this again in this kind of scientific way. It does feel like our family is not complete. It just feels right now like too big of a responsibility for one person. And then, of course, I feel guilty for even complaining because I have Sonny. And, like I said, there are so many people out there that haven’t even had the opportunity to have one and so, I keep on trying to look at glass half-full and be grateful that there is science out there that, if we do want to have a second child, hopefully we will be able to that way.”
None of this is easy, but Whitney is clearly strong and resilient. We are amazed by how she’s dealing with this terrible situation with such authenticity, and empathy, and grace all around.
And more than anything, we wish her and her family the best as they continue to heal emotionally after such a sad situation.
Sending all of our love!
[Image via Whitney Port/Instagram.]