[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Former Bachelorette Hannah Brown released her candid book, God Bless This Mess, on Tuesday, and she left nothing off the page!!
Of course, the book includes all the juicy inside secrets of the reality star’s relationships with ex-fiancé Jed Wyatt and Peter Weber, but it also dives into some never-before-shared life experiences — like her battle with cancer in fifth grade and a family murder! Catch up on all the bombshells (below):
Jed ‘Wasn’t As Good’ In Bed As Peter
Hannah confessed that her relationship with ex-fiancé Jed paled in comparison to her former suitor Peter — at least in the bedroom!
“I’ll be honest here: the sex wasn’t as good as it was with Peter. But my emotional need for connection was more fulfilled.”
That said, her fantasy suite night with the Nashville-based musician was “more like what a date night would feel like back home.”
Her sex escapades with Weber in an old windmill were strictly “fun,” Brown added:
“I went into the room with Jed with pretty much the exact same expectations I’d had with Peter: I was just looking forward to alone time away from the cameras. But it was maybe more complicated with Jed, because we had this deep emotional connection.”
Just weeks after she and Jed got engaged during the Season 15 finale, she knew in her heart Wyatt “wasn’t the man” of her dreams. It didn’t help that he was eager for “details” about her time with the pilot, she continued:
“He also asked me if his thing was bigger than Peter’s. Why do guys always ask that? ‘I don’t even remember,’ I told him. I just didn’t see how answering that question would be good for anybody.”
That’s a “yes.” LOLz!
When accustations that Wyatt had a girlfriend while he was on the show surfaced, Hannah recalled feeling “so embarrassed” by his “constantly changing story.” She called it quits on the relationship in front of cameras, noting:
“In some ways it felt so good to finally tell the audience, officially, that Jed and I were no longer together. But it was still heartbreaking to come to terms with how it had all ended. It was sad.”
To heal her broken heart, she quickly found herself falling back into bed with Peter, this time while his season of the Bachelor was airing and his engagement to Hannah Ann Sluss was already secretly over. But things weren’t as hot as she once remembered, the reality star wrote:
“I didn’t go [to his house] expecting us to have sex. But we did. I’m not sure what to say about it, except that it wasn’t good. […] The sex didn’t last very long.”
Again, she was left feeling “embarrassed” and “ashamed” of herself. Aw! Now dating model Adam Woolard, Hannah concluded:
“It’s easy to fall back into what’s familiar, even when that familiarity isn’t good for you. But I’m so glad to be figuring this stuff out.”
Tyler Cameron & Gigi Hadid Love Triangle
It gets more complicated… When things ended with Jed, Hannah and Tyler Cameron decided to give things a second chance, announcing the news on the After the Final Rose special. But soon after, the male model was spotted out with Gigi Hadid!
After Tyler and Hannah spent a romantic evening at her West Hollywood apartment, she woke up to learn he’d found himself another lady, she wrote:
“I woke up the next morning to find paparazzi photos of Tyler tagged all over Instagram. Tyler, in New York City — on a date with supermodel Gigi Hadid. Tyler met up with a supermodel after getting off the phone with me.”
On the betrayal, Brown mused:
“What’s crazy is, I loved Gigi Hadid! I thought she was the coolest. I still do. I get it. I would even go on a date with her. I wanna be her friend! But never did I expect to be in a love triangle with her.”
While the 27-year-old was finally looking forward to having one boyfriend at a time, that’s not what her possible partner had in mind, she recalled:
“This wasn’t a TV show. This wasn’t some game. My time with Tyler at my apartment wasn’t some meaningless hookup, the way it was portrayed in the press. My heart was on the line. And he broke it. With a supermodel. Can you imagine?”
Wow. She always played such the cool girl in the public eye. Of course we didn’t know her heart was broken! She goes on to say she felt “so embarrassed” and “hurt” at the public scandal.
“It all caught me so off guard.”
It was made worse when she couldn’t get in touch with Cameron before a press tour, which she would have to do while heartbroken.
“Everyone wanted to know what was going on. ‘I don’t know what’s going on!’ is the only thing I could say.”
When the hunk “finally called” back, his excuse went something like:
“‘You got to date 30 guys, so I’m gonna date around and see if I still want to be with you.’”
WTF!! That is some petty s**t! Hannah responded:
“‘You just told me you weren’t seeing anybody else. And then you said you wanted to talk about it, but we never talked about it, and like an hour later you went out with her!’”
She went on to express how much she regretted “[hyping him] up as this respectful king” because his actions with Hadid proved otherwise. She told him:
“‘This feels like you’re disrespecting me more than anybody has in my entire life! I’m going to be asked about you and Gigi now, constantly. Do you not understand that? I’m the one who has to answer for what you’re doing.’ I was so mad.”
Tyler and Gigi broke up after nearly two months of dating.
Something that shockingly never came up on The Bachelorette?? When Hannah was just 11 years old, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and underwent surgery to have the tumor removed.
The diagnosis was made after she had an MRI in fifth grade to determine what was causing frequent stomach aches. When doctors discovered the life-threatening tumor, she had a procedure to remove it. Doctors removed a “tumor the size of an egg” on her pancreas, she wrote:
“They sent me for a biopsy, and a day or so later, my dad got a call with the results — not from our regular doctor, but from an oncologist. The tumor was malignant. Cancer. Pancreatic cancer — one of the deadliest forms of cancer there is.”
Despite the scary circumstances, Alabaman native “wasn’t scared” going into surgery, she recalled:
“On the day of my surgery, I wasn’t scared about what was going to happen to me. At all. Even though my mother was in tears and my dad looked as worried as I’d ever seen him in my life as the nurses came to wheel me into the operating room, I looked up at my mom from my hospital bed and said, ‘Mama, I’m going to be okay.’’’
There was one thing she was a bit worried about, though, she admitted:
“There was a chance we’d have to go through radiation and chemotherapy, they said, depending on what the surgeon found once they got me into the operating room. But miraculously, I didn’t need either one.”
Thankfully, the tumor was entirely removed and it had not spread to other parts of her body, she wrote:
“I had to go to checkups a few times a year or so after that, but nothing else ever turned up in my scans or in my bloodwork.”
Wow. What a survival story!
A Family Murder
In God Bless This Mess, Hannah also revealed her biggest family tragedy: her aunt LeeLee and two cousins, Robin, 6, and Trent, 4, were brutally murdered by a man they had allowed to live in a trailer in their backyard while he worked on their house. The killer had previously served time for non-violent offenses and was out on a work-release program. Brown was just 6 years old at the time of the horrifying event.
LeeLee’s husband Stu came home to find his family members dead, according to Hannah. Ugh, we cannot even imagine. As she recalls it, the man came to the home for money and stabbed her aunt when she caught him digging through her purse.
LeeLee, the youngest sister of Hannah’s father Robert, told her children to run, but the 6-year-old was caught and stabbed multiple times with a steak knife. Trent made it upstairs, and LeeLee followed… but they were both discovered by the murderer. Hannah wrote:
“He had ‘gone too far now,’ he told her, and he stabbed her again. As she lay dying on the floor, he found Trent.”
The former ABC personality continued:
“He slid open the door to the cabinets in the hallway. He pulled Trent out, four-year-old Trent, and he killed him, too. When it was all over, he went back and stabbed all three of them again, just to make sure they were dead.”
Oh my gosh…
The devastating attack quickly formed a rift between herself and her father’s side of the family. Because her parents did not believe in therapy, nobody properly processed the trauma which led to years of mental health struggles, she reflected:
“I wasn’t scared of monsters under my bed; I was scared of someone being in my closet, sneaking into my window, breaking through our front door to kill my family. Not a monster. A man.”
She was later diagnosed with narcolepsy, something she believes was a “direct symptom of the trauma of the murder itself.” Speaking to Us Weekly about the traumatic death of her family members, and including it in the book, Hannah admitted:
“I think [writing about my childhood and The Bachelor] both came with their own challenges. The tragedy with my aunt and my cousins was really hard because I hadn’t really ever processed it. I had just gotten a therapist around the time of deciding to write this book. It was kind of, like, an assignment she gave me to write [about] it. That was really hard because there was obviously a lot of emotions there. But on the other side of that, it was really healing. And not only for me but for my family, which kind of comes up at the end of the book, like, how it really has healed our family from something that has just continued to be that hidden thorn in everybody’s side that we just cover up and pretend it’s not there.”
This harrowing incident wasn’t the only trigger that affected her mental health. Toxic ex-boyfriends and the pressure to succeed while she competed in pageants also affected her. She told the outlet:
“I think the biggest takeaway is we live in a society where it’s just, like, keep going, distract, distract, do the next thing, win this, do this — and there is no accolade, reward, amount of money, followers, whatever, that can really heal the pain unless you do the work. It will just continue to build and build and build and become something that you never thought it would be if you don’t really go to the source. And sometimes that means you’re gonna fall on the ground and it’s going to hurt real bad, but maybe that’s the moment that you can start to heal… It’s important in my book because, like, your mess can be your message in the end if you can allow it to. But you got to dig through the mess first. I think it’s really being honest with yourself and what your s**t is the only way that you’re going to heal and live life in a really impactful, meaningful way.”
In May 2020 — during the week of the anniversary of her family members’ murder — Hannah came under fire for saying the N-word on Instagram Live. In the book, she admitted she was getting addicted to the attention she and Tyler were getting for their quarantine TikToks. After drinking all day, she went on Live and began singing the lyrics to the DaBaby song Rockstar. She claims she didn’t even realize what she had done until the next morning when she saw the backlash.
Brown was encouraged to hire a “fixer” to handle the scandal. Instead, she hired an ethnic studios professor to get a “crash course” on history for several weeks, and they would work “between three and eight hours a day.” While calling “herself a product of an education system and culture that doesn’t teach this history,” she added:
“The blowback from that one moment on Instagram cost me all of my endorsement deals (which was my only source of income) and so much more. It was beyond upsetting to be canceled by people who don’t know me. I cried my eyes out for days on end. But I was also humbled by the education that resulted from that moment, which may have never happened had I not gone through this very public lesson in accountability.”
Wow. A lot to unpack here! Thoughts, Perezcious readers? Do these revelations give you a new outlook on the Bachelorette alum?? Let us know in the comments (below).